6 Things ALL Tech Support Guys Have In Common

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I should start by saying I LOVE my tech support guy. And I’m not just saying that because he’s going to read this post, either. Literally, this man has kept my system up and running even when Russian hackers were coming at me with their best stuff. He’s like a superhero, but without the cape. Though, to be fair, he is kind of geeky and probably does Own a cape. That being said, here are 6 Things ALL Tech Support Guys Have In Common

6 Things All Technical Support Guys Have In Common

6 Things ALL Tech Support Guys Have In Common

1. They’re going to ask if you tried turning it off and on again. Seriously, they always ask this. And what sucks is usually that fixes the problem.

2. Your system is Never up to their standards. If you didn’t upgrade your system a minute before they appeared, you are going to hear all about how if you don’t take care of things, they won’t work right. Not only that, but even if you bought it yesterday your system is WAY outdated in their book.

3. They want to know what operating system you use. Nobody knows. Maybe some people, but those people are tech support adjacent and shouldn’t count.

4. They smell like soup. This could just be my tech guy, but I don’t think so…

5. They’re going to have you get out of the way so they can take over. Whether in person or on the phone or online, your tech guy is going to take over your system. It is inevitable. Also, they’re going to mutter a lot of things and click around on things that don’t make any sense while they’re doing it…I’m pretty sure they’re searching for your secrets, but I can’t be positive.

6. When they find the problem they are going to try to explain it in the most technical terms possible. “See, what happened was the flixabusix mated with the ADV cord and that caused an ISRCP circuit to cross into another dimension where three vinagus axis cables…” Basically I think they make all this up. It’s very gibberish sounding. Kind of like when your doctor says you’ve got a fracture in your left tibia above the whatever marker…instead of saying your leg is fractured.

tech support guys

Also, it should be noted…not all tech support people are guys, but for some reason the girls aren’t the same way. Like, if you tell a tech support girl what’s going on, she’s going to tell you, “You clicked on a website and it did ‘blank’ to your computer. Just click the letter A and it’ll be fixed.” Sweet, direct, to the point, and they don’t smell like soup.

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  1. This article is rubbish. I’m in IT and I don’t want to know what OS you’re using I already know. And I don’t (none of us do) smell like soup. None of this stuff is true btw, except the part about restarting your machine. And why wouldn’t you try restarting before you call us? It’s not rocket science!

  2. As a guy who works in this field, I find myself feeling the need to respond to each point individually so please indulge me for a few moments.

    1) It’s true. So very often true. But the reason this works is similar to why little kids need naps in the middle of the day. If the kid is slapping his sister, he probably needs a nap to reset his temperament otherwise he’ll just keep slapping, and maybe start kicking.

    2) I love the latest tech. I don’t think your dinosaur of a month old computer is terrible, though. Just needs a few updates

    3) In my experience, if you know you don’t have a Mac, you’re on Windows (if you’re using Linux, you probably don’t need help from tech support, and possible feel pretty smug about that fact; I know I do).

    4) Not soup, just food items in general.

    5) In a lot of cases it’s just easier and less awkward than leaning over you to type in commands or navigate. We don’t all aspire to be Patrick Swayze in Ghost.

    6) This is just the nature of the beast. You use a complicated machine, you acquire the terminology whether you like it or not. The alternative is saying things like “See this thingy? It broke this other thingy and made everything die”. That being said, I do try to follow up the technical explanation with a parallel: “Word was crashing the computer because when you opened that file it would start using all the resources until Windows crashed. Kind of like when you’re done eating Thanksgiving dinner and digesting all that food takes all your body’s energy and you fall asleep”.

    Thank you for your time. Have a great day.