Do Not Let Your Kids Watch 13 REASONS WHY
13 Reasons Why is a show on Netflix based on the Best Selling Young Adult Novel by Jay Asher. The book takes place just after a teenage girl kills herself and she has left a series of 13 tapes behind for the people in her life that are the reasons why she killed herself to listen to. I read the book several years ago and have followed the author online for several years. I am a bit of a YA junkie, and I was really excited for this series to come out. Which means that going in, I knew that the booked touched on extremely triggering topics like rape and suicide.
I watched the series fully intending on sitting down with my middle school aged daughter and watching with her. I knew that the topics touched on were hardcore, and that it would lead to some serious discussions between the two of us. But I am not so naive as to think that her friends aren’t already talking about sex and suicide. Even as a sixth grader, my daughter has brought a string of texts between her and a few friends where one of the girls was threatening to kill herself. This is heavy stuff that I hate my kid is learning about at such a young age, but it IS happening, and we as parents DO need to be aware of it.
All that being said, I beg you to, no I IMPLORE you, DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS WATCH 13 REASONS WHY! (And if they have already watched it, but you haven’t, keep reading, because you have some damage control to do.)
Why am I not okay with this Netflix Original Series? Why do I not want kids to learn about the aftermath of bullying, drugs, alcohol, rape and suicide? (This show is rated TV-MA by the way, which means Mature Audience Only. This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. So Netflix doesn’t disagree with me.)
- This show was overly graphic. The last four episodes especially, so if you watch the first couple and think you have a good overview of how intense the show is, you don’t. They have explicit warnings at the beginning of each episode, but that isn’t enough. The show features two rapes of teenage girls. These rapes are gritty, horrifying and not something your children need to actually witness just in case they need to deal with something like this. They did a good job of showing Hannah (the girl who committed suicide) and how she felt during the rape, but watching her body writhe with each “thrust” was completely unnecessary and not something we needed to watch in order to understand the gravity of the situation.
- The suicide toward the end of the series might as well have been a handy dandy how-to graphic for how to kill yourself. They showed her stealing razors, and the showed the actual cutting of her wrists, the way she cried out and laid in the bathtub until she was gone. Why show a kid exactly how to do it? Why was that important? Don’t you think we could have gotten the same feelings if we hadn’t watched the blade actually pierce and slice her skin? (Also, in the books, she took pills. Was that not graphic enough for television?)
- The other big problem I had with the suicide was the build up, the entire series lead up to Hannah killing herself. Which isn’t different than in the books, but for some reason, they made it feel like a big reveal, an event that you were waiting on. Something exciting. Suicide should never EVER be exciting. And I was disappointed that they depicted it as such.
- They glamorized Hannah, the girl who killed herself. They made her out to be this big amazing person that everyone remembered and was heartbroken about after she left. In the book, the story was more about the kids she left behind, but for some reason, the series made this about her, like she left some sort of legacy only a dead girl could leave behind. Why would you want kids to think their lives will only have meaning after they die? What kind of effed up message even is that?
Look, I get it. I get that the whole point of the series is to make me feel uncomfortable because you SHOULD be uncomfortable when it comes to these topics. I understand that the scenes were overly graphic because they were trying to be real and show kids that actions have real consequences. I am just saying that it went too far. That the message is lost in the uncomfortableness, and that the way the series is depicted isn’t fair to the story or to the characters and what they went through.
The bottom line is this:  There are differences between reading books and watching shows. With books, if things get too intense you can easily skim ahead a bit and avoid certain content. With shows it isn’t that simple. And a younger watcher might not be emotionally prepared to watch someone else’s depiction of these events. That development takes time. Seeing it thrown out there before they have the emotional strength to understand it us unfair to them and it isn’t right for us as parents to do that.
I remember the first time I watched the Lord of The Rings, when the orcs came on and how scared I was of them. The thing is, when I’d read the book as a kid, the orcs were only as scary as my imagination would let them be, and they were nowhere near as frightening as they were in the movie. I think this is sort of the same thing happening here. When you read something, your mind is only going to let it go as far as your mind can handle but when you watch it, you are at the mercy of someone else’s mind, and this time 13 Reasons Why did a poor job of understanding how much high school and middle school aged kids can handle.
Honestly, I am disappointed that I can’t share this show with my child. That we can’t talk through the things that happen, the cyber bullying, the sex, the kids and the way they treat each other and use this series as a tool to breed the conversation. I would have loved to see this series be something we could show to our high schoolers. A teaching aide for them to understand that life isn’t as dramatic or dire as they think it is in high school. It is such a missed opportunity that because of the overly graphic nature of a few scenes that this series can’t be more valuable to us as a society.
If your kids have already watched it, or you are planning to let them watch it anyway, talk to them. Talk through what they’ve seen and what their friends are talking about. Really spend some time on these topics and assess how it made them feel, because if this show shocked me as an adult, I can’t imagine how much it is going to rock the thought process of an adolescent.
It’s not intended for children. It’s rated 18, or at least it is in the UK.
As a parent, I appreciate you opinion and can see where you are coming from but I see it as the opposite. I feel like this show isn’t for young children but middle school aged and teenage children it is more than appropriate for if you sit down and explain the content and have an open discussion with your child regarding what is happening and why it’s happening. I think the rawness of the show is exactly what makes everybody so uncomfortable but it shows a lot of truth as to what it is like in the world out there and honesty for the kids to know what their actions can lead to. Parents need to stop being so scared of having open and honest communication with their children over television shows or movies that show things like this.
I just watched it this weekend and I disagree with you on many points. It was graphic for a reason, and personally being a victim of rape I am glad it was. People never truly understand how hard it is, the series portrayed it pretty well. Also, I felt different on the “Big Reveal”. I was more interested in how Clay had a part in the tapes and then what hè was going to do to avenge her death. I guess different people, different perspectives. I agree we need to talk to our children, but as the show shown, it’s not always like that. I would like schools to start playing it. Or have the students read the book.
Thank you for the good advice! I appreciate it.
I agree with you to the point that young kids should not watch it but the shows goal wasn’t to be graphic or make you uncomfortable, it was to make you see what depression, rape, and suicidal thoughts/actions really are. They did this for a reason because most shows or stories sugar coat these topics and Thirteen Reasons Why didn’t. No, I don’t think young kids should be watching this but I strongly believe that this show was meant to show you the real truth which kids should learn eventually.
This article is irrelevant and should be taken off. In my opinion, kids should watch 13 reasons why so they could see that treating others bad could end in them commiting suicide. The show was great because it showed what happens when people don’t seek for help and it also shows how girls feel about being raped.
It isn’t irrelevant at all. In fact, your comment is more irrelevant than this article.
So you think that children learning that their words and actions can have serious consequences is irrelevant? And that we shouldn’t show the grave realities of what happens to young women when they are sexually assaulted (and what happens when they try to report it)? That too is irrelevant? Wow…
Girl you could’ve stopped after mentioning it’s rated TV-MA.
I’m sorry “13 reasons did a poor job of realizing what middle and high school kids can handle”?This is exactly what they are going through, this is EXACTLY what they are handling. It’s uncomfortable because people have lived this. It’s uncomfortable because people don’t want to talk about it. I praise 13 reasons. They shed light on a struggle not only I personally went through but so many others. You should let your children watch this. You should be watching it with them and talking to them about it and telling them how they should handle things like this.
I have to disagree with the article. Of course, you have to look at each kid individually and decide what is appropriate for them to watch and what isn’t, but I think that this is totally appropriate for late middle school and high school with guidance. Going point for point with the author’s post:
1. The rape and suicide scenes are graphic but not gratuitous because it’s important not to gloss over violence in a story like this, and these are situations that middle schoolers and high schoolers might find themselves in. The author of the post said it was unnecessary to see Hannah writhe when she was assaulted in order to understand the pain of her situation…I totally disagree. It’s something she experienced that contributed to her suicide, and in order for the audience to have a full and deep empathy for her pain, we need to share her experiences as much as possible.
2. The suicide wasn’t a “how-to” for how to kill yourself. It showed that Hannah was in so much emotional pain that she thought that slitting her wrists and ending her life was better than living with her emotional pain. She was worth ending the pain. It WAS necessary to show the steps she took because, again, the audience needs to understand the depth of her suffering. The author also points out that in the novel she took pills (true) and asks “Was that not graphic enough?” but taking pills could mislead the audience into thinking her death was pain-free, when in reality most people who overdose on pills don’t take enough to completely put them out, and they regain some consciousness and vomit, convulse and struggle before succumbing to their overdose. There is no suicide that is peaceful, glamorous, or non-graphic.
3. The series and the book both “build up” to the suicide, but that’s because the audience already knows it’s coming. It does not make it exciting; it makes it heartbreaking to see the many instances where Hannah could have avoided her decision to kill herself if only someone had stepped in, showed they cared about her, and gave her the attention and help that she needed.
4. They didn’t glamorize Hannah, and they didn’t make her out to be some kid that everyone missed terribly after she was gone. In fact, there were minor characters in the movie that complained that they just wanted to “move on” from her death. The main cast of characters is about 13 kids. 13 kids out of an entire high school (200-500 kids) were shown mourning her death for longer than a few weeks. Only some of them showed remorse and guilt for their role in her death. Only one was shown trying to make positive changes in his life so that something like this wouldn’t happen again. Hannah’s not glamorized at all; her death the result of what happens when too many people–even “good” people– hurt or ignore someone who need help.
WOW you missed the whole point of the show. The show was incredible and extremely well done. The Suicide was so hard to watch. it wasn’t a build up but the end result of so much bullying and torture. All too often it ends with suicide. Every Parent needs to watch it and depending of the maturity of your teen they need to watch it too.
Also, a huge point you missed about this series, was that all the little things that happened with Hannah, were done by another student. Kids have no idea how things they say and do to other kids are received by that student. As adults, we know how it was in school, but it’s so much more intense these days This is a great lesson for our kids to learn how our behavior affects others, even when we don’t know it. It wasn’t one thing that led to her decision, but many smaller things, which then led to larger ones. How a kid can become a school shooter… how a suicide can happen and how NONE parents had any idea their child was drinking, drugging, having sex, and having all these feelings and experiences.
Author missed the entire point of the series. Hannah wasn’t glamorized. Nothing about her life was glamorous. The main characters were worried about themselves after her death not mourning the loss of her, save Clay. Suicide is not glamorous and the razor scene is meant to shock, and show the reality of the pain she felt she had no way out. Rape scenes not overly graphic, have you seen what’s in the movies and on cable?
I hope the author does not sway parents for not opening the conversation with their children that will occur with watching this show. If you don’t think your teen/tween is/will not have even a couple of these experiences or feelings in school, you are sadly mistaken.
I haven’t seen it yet, but shows, real or fiction that depict a young persons’ ordeal with rape and suicide can be detrimental to many. Some kids going through difficult times may think to do the same thing rather than get help. I tend to think this type of show will push kids to copy this girls actions in how they deal with their own lives. Many don’t know how to deal with even the slightest bullying and may be prone to suicide, this type of “entertainment”, and that’s what some will view it as, will just add fuel to a fire.
In my opinion this series touched on everything that that a tween/teen could be going through. Kids are not as innocent as we would like to think they are. They are seeing and doing much more than I was at that age. I do agree that things could have been toned down a little. I also think that parents should watch this with their children. It could potentially open the eyes of a bully or maybe even encourage someone who needs help to seek it. The suicide scene was heartbreaking for me to watch and I wish I hadn’t seen it, but it was necessary to Convey the severity of it.
what makes me the most sad is that it could have been a great opportunity to talk about bullying with your kids, and to show the real impact it has. But you ended up hating the kids so much that you had trouble feeling sorry for them, and it isn’t like you could have watched it with your kids anyway because of the sensationalism.
I couldn’t agree more with you on it being extremely graphic and I do not think anyone under 17 should watch, but I do disagree about you saying they “glamorized” her (I have been personally touched by suicide with 2 family members and a friend in my short 18 years) that is always what happens I’ve seen it every time they have no friends they get bullied but once they’re gone suddenly everybody loved them and misses them. For a family who had no idea this person was suffering in such a way “glamorizing” this person isn’t a hard thing to do.
I think that is an interesting point. They did have that part where her parents just sort of ignored her and she walked out of the house. But for me they just kept saying “this is what Hannah wanted” and I was just like “SHE IS DEAD! SHE DOES NOT GET TO WANT THINGS ANYMORE!”
Look I get your point of view, but I think that if I decide to watch the serie with my 14 year old son it is up to me and my own point of view. Here in Mexico they have shows or telenovelas that show sex scenes, children bullying children or doing other things and honestly I do not like it because it feels like it does not have an intention you know what I mean?
But with 13 Reasons Why is not about waiting to see when she kills herself to me it was more about thinking how difficult sometimes or most of the time is for teenagers to grow and to deal with their own problems and even though we talk to our children or try to spend time with them sometimes we do not have the time we are so cut up with our own problems that we dont take the time and they do have to deal with a whole bunch of things now a days. I am not saying that we didnt I am 39 and I had issues but with social media and everything else it is difficult and I think that they need to see something like this because it is what is happening out there.
It is absolutely up to you if you let your kid to watch it. I totally get that, but if it was up to me, your kid wouldn’t watch it. I hope you are right, that if people DO watch it it will make them see that they should spend more time with their kids!
Idk what ur talking about, where i lived when some dumb ass kid kills themselves or are killed the ppl glanorize them like fucking saints ?
I have to disagree with your points you interpreted very differently than me… I would let my kids watch this. I don’t think they glamorized her for killing hers, or the suicide being this big unveiling. Yes, the scenes for some were a bit much but so is a lot of things today. I think this show did an amazing job of showing the journey from both sides. From the bullying too mourning the loss of Hannah and the characters understanding and coming to terms in their part of what happened. They give u glimpse of the parents before her death and then trying to cope after. All while capturing Hannah’s view. I really feel this was very well rounded and really tried to give everyone a 360 view. I think they really tried to capture a piece of each characters life and tried giving us a glimpse of what they were dealing with then their interaction with Hannah. It was super powerful and i understand some won’t be able to watch it for their own reasons, but I think this is a good show for kids OF THE RIGHT AGE to watch. That being said I wouldn’t let my kids now watch it but come later when their more mature and can better understand the material I would. Just my 2 cents :p
I really like the behind the scenes better then each episode. I think that really is all the kids need to see. I liked it all though.
I want to elaborate on my previous comment: I have worked in a mental health office for 5 years and let me tell you I have seen some stuff. This movie is a movie that needs to be watched, but watched with supervision because it is very intense. Why sugar coat something that is very real in today’s society. I like how Clay was confronting those that had major impact or those that did nothing to/for Hannah. She was really looking for an out when she was speaking to the principal and he totally did nothing. Mental health is shoved so far under the rug that people do not really even know how to deal with it and that is sad. I do think that High school age would be the more appropriate age to watch instead of middle school. Maybe only show the behind the scenes to the younger kids, but I definitely think that suicide and rape need to be brought to the surface and talked about.
I agree with you. Besides there are some kids that play GTA video game and that one is explicit also and believe me this is has been one of the video games that I have said no to my son. But yes high school students need to watch this and also parents at least that is what I think. While I was watching I started thinking how well do I know my son, how much time do we spend together is it enough? is he telling me everything? does he need help with something?
The funny thing is, I wouldn’t actually have a problem with a teenager playing GTA, and I have played it. I don’t normally feel this way aboutcensoring, etc. It just so happened that this series was just WAY TOO MUCH for me to be okay with!
Your entire article here is what is wrong with America today. Suicide and rape are a huge issue in today’s younger generation. If you have never lost someone to suicide then maybe you don’t understand but this show was pretty spot on with how it was portrayed. People are sad and angry and looking for answers, schools are reactive and begin posting posters everywhere about suicide prevention and doing what they can to prevent backlash on them. Suicide is ugly. Rape is ugly. Making it as real as possible makes it a show you can have teaching moments with your children about. You cannot water it down. It’s horrifying and that’s how the show portrayed it and I applaud them for that.
I disagree. Just like Hannah saw things so differently than her peers, I saw the suicide scene as something painful and not bringing glory to the act. The scene where her parents find her is also something that I thought was powerful. Being able to show my son how much it affected them throughout the show and then to find her that way was devastating to them. My son watched and was able to ask questions about how do you even know someone is feeling so depressed when they seem to be liked by others. It was eye opening to him instead of just talking about being kind to others he was able to see how a snide comment or joke can go way too far. I guess looking back I wish I watched it first so I was prepared but the emotions were raw for both of us. He was visibly shaken as was I so we had some discussions that were uncomfortable but meaningful and important to have.
I don’t feel like she was glamorized after death. I think that was to show that kids in high school love drama and even though she had no friends suddenly everyone was so distraught over her death.
I agree the suicide scene caught me off guard for sure and I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t allow your teen to watch this. However if you think your teen doesn’t already know some sort of way to proceed with that you are naive and need to talk to your children more about these things.
Lastly if you are disappointed you can’t share the series with your child then share the book. You said yourself that it’s all in perception and what your imagination allows. After each chapternhave a sit down and talk about what your meant to them and if they have ever seen something similar to that at school.
I loved the series and thought it would be great to watch with a high school aged child. With is they let word here.
If you’re really worried about not being able to talk to your kids about these topics because you refuse to let them watch this show, why not have them read the book instead? As you pointed out in your post, the book will only be as graphic as their minds will let it be, and you seem to feel like the book hit the mark pretty well.
But beyond that, why do you need a tv show or book to start a dialogue with your kids about tough subjects? I’m having a hard time wrapping my mind around that as well.
I think your wrong on so many levels. Teens should watch this. The earlier the better so they know the signs. So they know it’s not okay to be bullied. I was bullied so bad in high school. I fear for my kids going to highschool. It’s a different world, and girls and guys can be so mean. Yes this show maybe graffic, but this stuff actually happens to people in life, it’s an eye opener. I don’t the you understood the show or what it’s about. I think you have it all wrong. They didn’t glamorize the girl.it was her telling her side of the story. So you could be in her shoes and so the audience could feel what she went through. You supposed to feel hurt and pained while watching this, it’s supposed to be a connection with the viewers. I mean…. it’s the next thing to reality and honesty on what goes on in some kids life. It’s sad, yes. It’s not supposed to be easy to watch. There was nothing exciting about the build up to her suicide… and kids can learn anything by going onto google these days. there’s warnings on each episode… so it warns you. It’s not supposed to be easy to watch. But it’s reality. I’d want my kids to watch this a few times, Bc the point is…. everything you say and do has consequences….. it leads up to certain events in life. So we have to make the correct choices. And also like Alex said… they need signs in school to not be dicks! I agree there. Don’t be a dick is the best message to kids. Bc being bullied is a big issue these days. It’s aweful how words can damage a kids reputation and self esteem.
You understood absolutely nothing to this series if you think this way. Don’t you think that teenagers already know ways to attempt to their life? It was perfect to show them the reality. The real stuff. It is preferable that they learn the real real stuf then imagine how horrible it could be. They are more intelligent and wise than you think. And seeing a rape, while they hear every sex subject within movies and on the news, seeing something that is more like real life, will make them think twice before going into situations where they could put themself in danger. I think that Th1rteen Rea3ons Why was a masterpiece that every teenager should watch twice. Just my opinion.
I haven’t seen the movie, but I would tend to agree with you, Jamie. I don’t buy into the “show your kids the really bad stuff” so you can have good conversations later. We have learned that scaring people is not nearly very effective for education – that’s why driver’s ed films no longer use the old graphic blood and guts movies.
Likewise, the idea that showing them details of how to do it – it’s like most of the DARE drug programs – otherwise known as the “How to do drugs” films, particularly for the kids who don’t know about them.
What it really does is immunize them from the horror and minimize the impact.
oh my gosh! I will never forget those drug films from DARE! Legit everything I know about drugs and how to do them I learned in DARE. That how-to film was the BEST. 😛