I Tried A Diva Cup And Now I Hate Life
Okay, let me start off by saying that I love the idea of using a Diva Cup. No tampons to fuss with, no scary toxic shock syndrome, less of an environmental impact; plus you save money. But- it’s easier said than done. Gird your loins, because we’re about to get messy. This is my Diva Cup experience…
For those of you who don’t know what a Diva Cup is, it’s a silicone cup that is used to catch menstrual blood in place of a cotton tampon. It uses suction to stay in place, and when you’re ready, you remove it and pour the blood down the toilet, rinse it off, and reinsert. Seems simple, right? I got my diva cup as a gift from an environmentally conscious friend who knew I wanted to try one. I knew there was a learning curve to using a product like this, but I figured it would be worth it in the end. Well; the jury is still out on that one.
So, I’ll spare you the details of insertion, since there was nothing really noteworthy about that, other than a slightly uncomfortable feeling that went away as my body got used to it’s presence, and getting a little more personal with my lady bits than I am used to having to do. I will say I enjoy going to bed knowing that I don’t need to worry about TSS or leaking. Everything was as promised when I woke up, but removing this thing was no easy feat…
It started like this… I’m sitting on the toilet and start feeling for the stem of this thing, and I can feel it, but I cant grip it. If I can’t even grip the stem, how am I going to pinch the bottom of this thing to release the suction? So after much fishing around, I still can’t get it. Okkaaayyyyyy…so now what?
I try lifting up one leg. Still can’t get it. In my head I am already imagining a frantic call to my friend and/or boyfriend begging for help in extricating this thing from my vageen. I lean left. I lean right. Jump up and down a little. No luck.
For a few minutes I sit there, completely stumped as to what I should do. Maybe squatting would work? But isn’t having to take off your pants entirely a little bit ridiculous? Is there a YouTube tutorial for this? No wait, I don’t want to see a YouTube tutorial for this. Are my fingers ridiculously short? How many fingers should I be using? It’s not a hotel lobby in there. AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT.
So, now that I’ve been in the bathroom for entirely too long- I’m finally ready to get down to business. I ditch the pants, climb into the tub, and assume the position. I’m already thinking about how I’m going to need to bleach the ever loving shit out of this tub, and start fishing around for this mother-effer.
Okay, it’s a little more accessible from this position, but still eluding me. I start calling upon every childbirth technique I know, and bearing down like my life depends on it. The Rocky song is playing in my head. In the movie of my life, this part would be a motivational and inspiring montage.
This is pretty much the grossest thing that has ever happened in this bathtub, and my kid has pooped in here several times.
I can’t believe I still haven’t gotten it out. This is ridiculous. I’ve got shit to do today. So I push. HARD. I’m not sure how many fingers I had to use to get a handle on it, but I can tell your for sure I’ll never forget what happened next.
I start slowly pulling it out, thinking that I’ll daintily pour it out and be on my way. About halfway through removing it, I knew that wasn’t going to be an option. I can feel the pressure of the opening of the cup the closer I get to having it all the way out. It’s about to be a massacre in here. I know it.
I felt it pop open as it came out there was an audible splash.
It was everywhere. On my legs. On my feet. Pretty much up to my elbows (okay, that’s probably an exaggeration.). AND there was still some in the cup. It looked like a scene straight out of Carrie. I was entirely disgusted, but also impressed with all that my uterus had done while I was sleeping. Like, good uterusing, uterus.
I spend an unladylike amount of time considering taking a picture of it, sending it to my friend with the caption “LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE DONE.” but ultimately decided not to. Instead, I rinsed out the tub, scrubbed myself clean, put the diva cup away, and sent off these two text messages instead.
The first to my friend.
and the next to my boyfriend
So, I really want to love you, Diva Cup, but I fear you and I just aren’t meant to be. I’m going to try the smaller size before I relegate myself to using tampons forever, but like, I like my tub, and blood stains grout like a bitch. Know what I’m sayin’? I hope you understand.
Sincerely,
Bitter and Bloodspattered.
Want to read more?
5 Reasons to NOT Vaccinate Your Kids
Check out Mylola.com. Chemical free tampons.
Yeah, I tried the cup with pretty similar results, but I’m a heavy bleeder anyway so it looks like a massacre even when I’m using pads or tampons lol. Guess some of us just can’t win either way. I’ve never gone back to the cup it was just too messy for me.
OMG! I’m dying over here laughing and trying to stay quiet so I don’t wake my kids! I love this 🙂 Thanks for the insight. I’ve been wanting to use the Diva as well. Now, I’m just gonna dragging my feet a little more.
We are sorry to hear that you were not able to find success with The DivaCup. Using The DivaCup for the first time can be a little challenging because it is inserted very differently than other feminine hygiene products. We have some great tips for insertion and removal on our Diva blog at http://divacup.com/2015/okay-so-i-bought-the-divacup-now-what/. If you would like to talk to someone directly, don’t hesitate to contact our customer care team who are always here to help a Diva out at support@divacup.com.
thank you for steering us away from that.
Another totally horrid experience is the Poise “Impressa” not impressed. Felt like a box kite, awfully uncomfortable, really did not help the problem, and a b*tch to remove. Left me scraped and bleeding. Into the Garbage with ye!!
Four years using my menstrual cup (Iris Cup, in my case), and no trouble at all….no massacres into my bathroom, no problem when extracting my cup from my body….For me it is comfortable to use and I feel cleaner than using tampons. No awkard smell….for me, it is absolutely great. I use it day and night, at work, etc. For me, the easiest way to insert and extract the cup is being sitting down….if you push just a little your vagine muscles, it comes out (at least, mine).
I’m so happy I don’t have to deal with these things anymore!
Don’t give up. I’ve used mine for years and it did take a while to get used to. I personally will never go back to tampons or pads. It’s worth the trial and error st the beginning.
Oh, I wish your experience had been better. The Diva Cup has revolutionized my period! I can’t imagine life without it. Thank you for at least not giving up on it and trying a smaller size. But…..really funny post!!!!
If you break the suction of the menstrual cup to your cervix by pressing down on one side, it will pull out easily. I usually sit on the toilet so the blood can spill over, pinch the lowest rounded end of the cup to break the suction (I feel it pop a bit when suction breaks) and remove it. Dump the remaining blood and rinse. Maybe it will work you as well.
I just love my menstrual cup and will not be going back!
So glad I’m not the only one that experience that equaled the hallway of blood in the Shining! After the blood explosion after popping the seal, I was less than impressed and my girlie bits were sore.
There are indeed other varieties of cups, mine has a ring instead of a stem which is way easier. It takes a bit to get the hang of it all, but I wouldn’t want to miss mine anymore.
I have been using mine for a couple of months and I can’t stop singing praises about my Diva cup. I go around preaching about it as often as I can and try to promote it whenever I get a chance. It took me all of one cycle to figure out how to really adjust to it (especially when i’m at work) without making a mess. But ever since then there’s been no turning back for me. I sleep like a baby, I have traveled during my cycle SO many times and had almost no access to a bathroom. The cup saved me!! I honestly feel at least mentally I’m in a better place during my periods 🙂
That was the funniest story ever!! I loved it
Omg!!! You’re freaking hilarious! Now I know I’m not the only one struggling lol!!!
I’ve been using one for about 6 months. I do like it. I love that it doesn’t gush, but can leak tiny when full. I don’t have any issues putting in and out. I hardly notice that it’s in.
I tried this too. It was totally awful. And I am totally over trying it. Ick.
Use Mirena Birth Control…. no period ever ever again!! 🙂
I had the exact same disaster the first time. But I put it right back in after showering clean. The next time I was able to rock it back and forth to break the seal and kept it pinched so it didn’t pull out fully open like a bell. Came out like a charm and I didn’t have any more problems.
It was GREAT after that. No leaks. No running to the bathroom every two hours to change a tampon on heavy days. No more worrying about making it thru the whole night. And no toxic shock worries. I’m a convert!
Thank you so much for your candor, I really appreciate your honesty. I could never see me using such a device. Especially after your wild experience…
You realize that there are other cup options that may suit you better. For example Eva cups, soft cups, etc. I personally like the Eva cup way more than the diva cup. It’s always worth trying other options instead of giving up. My cycle is less painful and only lasts 3 days since using cups.
I tried it while Backpacking. Imagine squating over a hole in the ground trying to do the same thing. Not pretty. Immediately went back to pads (tampons scare me too).
Try THINX. New underwear that absorbs like a light pad. Amazing technology. Latest innovation for women. Great for the environment.
I tried the SoftCup and it wasn’t bad. It fits around your cervix like a diaphragm rather than depending on suction like the diva cup. Still a bit messy but I only tried it for the first time on my last period.
Okay so i tried it for the first last month and i loved it. Totally unusual feeling the first few times I put it in and getting it out was a bit harder than i thought – but towards the last two days of my cycle i got the hang of it, i was even adventurous enough to change it in a public toilet! Not a drop of spillage and I have recommended it to all my friends – although i bought mine from the chemist and the pharmacist ran me through the easiest way to use it and what size i was which was comforting. I love the 12 hours, bo chemicals in my body and less environmental impact.
I thought I was the only person who had issues with this thing. I got the great idea to try it during a medical program where I had to wear white scrub bottoms for 2 years, so this seemed like the answer to my prayers.
4 intermittent hrs of begging, cajoling, crying, pain and swelling (yes, my lady parts got “swole” from all the yanking) while trying to get the suction cup of doom out of myself. I had visions of my cervix being pulled out by a plunger so I’d have to stop and take a break while mentally rolodexing through my list of friends and family who I could trust if it came down to me requiring assistance. Then it became a list of towns with emergency rooms nearby that I was willing to go to since the one in my town would know my face.
Long story short, when its in, its all great and wonderful. Getting it out is a bitch.
It is not for everyone. I LOVE mine, been using mine for four months now and did have difficulty’s on the fist go but after that I have not had any problems.