Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?

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There is nothing more exciting as a parent than posting that adorable picture you just took of your little darling, strapped into her car seat, little feet dangling and an ice cream cone melting on her chest. But the second you press Upload, beware: the mom-army Marmy is coming! They’re like Winter, but scarier. ‘Cause they will straight up Judge Every Single Thing YOU Do. The Marmy goes after your mommy soul and they won’t stop until you’re a quivering ball of emotions binge-eating Bluebell with a baby spoon on your kitchen floor. And you can try to unfriend them all, but you can’t always tell who they are. They can be anyone. They’re like skin walkers…one minute you think she’s that sweet woman from church, the next she’s straight up laying into you for being an awful mother who is TRYING to get her child killed. And you were trying, right? I mean, that’s why your little darling’s strap was an inch too low on her chest? WHY DO YOU WANT TO KILL YOUR CHILD!?!


Sorry, I think that got away from me for a second… Look, can we PLEASE just stop with the car seat shaming? That’s all I’m asking. Just, stop.

can we please stop the car seat shaming

Can We Please STOP With The Car Seat Shaming?

1. It does no good after the fact. Do you really think that mom who posted a picture of her kid in a cute dress is looking for advice on how to properly buckle her child? Was the mom who uploaded the video of her toddler singing to Ke$sha really seeking parenting advice? No. They want the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ earned from having a beautiful, brilliant, talented, adorable child. Bashing them over the head with messages about how the buckle is a quarter of an inch too low on the left is ridiculous. And you’re missing the point that their children are totes amazeballs. If you really care? Go visit  and talk with them in person. Otherwise, bugger off!

2. You need an engineering degree to get it perfect. Seriously. It’s like some of you get out a protractor and a level and check every single picture ever posted to social media to see if everything lines up. And HEAVEN FORBID the parent has a smallish three-year-old and they Dared to face the seat forward. C’mon, people. Don’t you have your own kids to worry about?? Lay off a little, will you? If the picture is posted, the child survived. Am I saying there isn’t room for improvement? No! But that advice should come in person from people who actually KNOW the parents and not from random internet trolls.

3. It will never be as perfect as everyone wants it to be. Ever. Ever. So if this is a mom you know and she’s sincerely done her best, lay off. And if this is a mom you’ve never met and you’re bashing her online? GTFO!

moms shouldn't be car seat shaming, they should be educating

4. Does it really make you feel better about yourself to attack other moms? ‘Cause I kinda think that’s what your doing here. Am I wrong? I mean, it’s like there are moms who wait behind their phones to see someone post a car seat picture so they can be the one to catch the transgressions. I imagine you all, your kids screaming in another room, pudding running down a wall but you’re there staring at your phone…waiting to pounce.

5. No One (even you) is perfect 100% of the time. Kids are squirrelly and wiggly little monsters, and even perfect moms are going to have moments where the straps aren’t one hunned. It happens. So for your sake and everyone else’s be grateful that nothing bad happened and try again next time. That’s all I’m asking. Do your best and lay off other moms who are doing THEIR best.

lets stop with the car seat shaming and start educating to save kid's lives

Look. There Is a proper way to strap those little suckers in and if still in doubt parents can go to their local fire department for help. But that’s not my point. My point is that I see So Many People commenting on Every Single Picture of children in car seats and commenting is almost like a game. A sick, mean-spirited, twisted game of whack-a-mole: the parenting edition. And it’s GOT to STOP. No one likes this game except for you. And while you dilute yourself into believing you’re being helpful, what you’re really doing is acting as judge and jury over your fellow moms. Lay off. Just stop. Go figure out what your kids are screaming over, go scrape the pudding off the wall, and maybe step away from the phone for a bit and get some fresh air.

And now to make you smile…and for a little more help…

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A Note From Jamie: What I want is for us to find a way to HELP other moms who don’t know how to properly buckle a safety belt. To keep everyone’s kids safe. I don’t want the shaming at all. Instead lets build a community where we HELP each other, we show, we inform people that there are places you can go to get your car seat installed properly, that we show people the right way to do this without making them feel dumb for it. Let’s try THAT!


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  1. I think the car seat laws today are infuriating and excessive. I was riding in the front seat at 6 or 7. My older brother and I used to fight over the front seat by calling “shotgun”. I don’t want anything happening to my kids, obviously, but I also think all this safety, safety, safety stuff is mentally and emotionally damaging and turning today’s kids into soft, scared, pansy weirdos.

  2. Mom shaming over car seats HAS gone too far. It’s not even about safety. I got called out that my 5 1/2 year old was in a high back belt positioning booster seat that was checked out by our local police station who did in fact have car seat techs (certified) on hand. I guess I am supposed to keep him in a 5 point harness until 2nd grade? No, sorry we are not going back he’s still very safe and further more can buckle and unbuckle himself and therefore has even learned to take responsibility for his own safety. He is all about the rules I feel safer knowing that no matter who he is with he knows to sit up tall, the belt can’t be twisted etc. Yes I am glad we’re safer than when I was a kid we didn’t even have to wear seat belts in the back seat growing up and I never had a booster seat but we are getting unnecessarily paranoid. One statistic to keep in mind with the car seat deaths is that as much as 40% of those deaths are not due to improper use of car seats, it’s because the kids weren’t even buckled up at all! That is just common sense.

  3. I’ve never had anyone comment on my childs seat but it wasn’t until my first was 2+years that I did thorough research into car seats and found out the dangers if you get it wrong. I wish someone had of said something to me sooner as I would have got a different seat for my daughter, I can’t afford a new seat and no amount of info will convince hubby to buy a new one for a tiny bit of extra safety.
    It’s not shaming if its just info to potentially educate someone.

  4. *eye roll
    This article bugs me to core. Carseats are used incorrectly about 90% of the time! Pointing out deadly mistakes can literally mean the difference between life and death in an accident. It is perfectly reasonable to point a friend to a reputable CPST and share reputable article with them.
    It’s not ‘carseat’ shaming when it can literally save a life!

  5. This is one of the most irresponsible posts I’ve ever read. Screw your overly sensitive feelings. I guess you’ve never had a family member die because they weren’t properly restrained. Shame on you.

  6. Some of the comments on here show a real lack of reading comprehension. Seriously folks get your panties out of a twist. The author didn’t say never correct the parent, she said do so one on one not descend on her like a bunch of jackals. In other words, if you don’t know the mom well enough to be invited into her home to visit one on one then don’t bash her on social media. As far as her fire department suggestion do you honestly believe if the fire department doesn’t have a tech they are just going to ignore her, or do you think they might offer advice as to where she could go for help? Sheesh.

  7. What a horrible article. One that could potentially cause a lot of harm. Take this down, the author should be ashamed of themselves.

  8. It’s a myth that all fire departments have CPSTs on staff

  9. I’m not going to comment on the absolutely crazy article itself, but rather provide some resources and information. In the United States, up to 90% of children are in a car seat that is being used incorrectly. That makes sense, considering that in 2015 (most recent stat) 663 children under 12 died in motor vehicle crashes. Those were 663 likely PREVENTABLE deaths. Moreover, many fire/police stations do not have certified techs. A certified tech is a child passenger safety technician (CPST) whose one and only job is to educate families on children’s safety in the car. Oftentimes stations do not have certified techs but allow the officers/firepeople to install it anyways. There is a way to find a CPST in your area easily online. I will include the link below. Click on “Find a Tech” and enter in your zipcode, town, or state to find a professional near you.

    (In full disclosure, I am a tech myself!)

  10. The firehall is a poor choice for car seat information. Sure some firefighters have taken the training but most haven’t. You want to see a CPST they have the training to appropriately assist families with their seat if they are experiencing difficulties. Safety devices only work if they are used correctly.

  11. Sorry, but this article is straight up ignorant. YOU are ignorant. Petty to say the least. Because God forbid someone tries to give you some constructive criticism or trying to help EDUCATE you on car seat safety because who cares about your child’s safety right?! ?

  12. Yeah. Nope. If the child is buckled wrong and you speak up it is not shaming… It is keeping the child alive in the event of an accident. Id like someone to tell me.

  13. So glad that most comments have more common sense and reasoning than the author of this piece. Trying to prevent harm to your child is really what people are trying to do. What’s more important? Your ego or your child’s life? It’s a fairly easy choice in my mind.

  14. I’m very appalled at this entire rant. It’s uneducated and you are encouraging parents AND grandparents that giving advice on car seats safety is not okay or is a sanctimony. It is NOT.

    Where does one learn about car seat safety……? Upon leaving the hospital, not at all, Pediatrician, not once! For your mothers or grandparents- car seats- what are those. Some things our parents have zero experience with.

    So if you can’t handle scientific facts of car seat safety than you don’t have to be the one to tell a new mom to be to make sure the chest strap is on the child’s chest and on not over their vital organs. Or that their strap is too loose risking the child being flung from their car seat if there is impact. Or that a child can suffer from internal decapitaion- by simply keeping a child rear facing longer you are protecting their neck and body.

    These things are easy to do but we aren’t born or taught this knowledge anywhere. Things might start changing and doctors and nurses may give advice but until then go ahead and all parents feel free to give your unwanted sanctimony advice and save lives.

  15. Im sorry, but your wrong. Its life or death. Car crashes are the number one killer among kids.

  16. Please, please, please. Moms. I know it’s hard to hear you’re doing something wrong when you’re trying to do everything right (and there are SO many things you can do “wrong” these days!). But please, when it comes to your child’s safety, let go of your ego & pride. Be willing to admit that maybe you’re wrong. Be willing to let other people help you. MOST women who comment aren’t really trying to shame you. They genuinely care about the safety of your child. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to lose my child because I was too prideful to admit I was doing something wrong. And please, author of this article, know that you’re not hated, you’re not shamed, you’re not a bad mom. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM!!!! But sometimes, it’s okay to admit we’re wrong & we need to change <3 <3 <3

  17. This isn’t about your ego. It’s about the safety of your child. If you’re my friend and you’re bucking the kid I care about in wrong, I care too much to not say something. Heaven forbid you get in a crash before I see you in person. So I will continue to gently mention that the chest clip goes on the nipple line and the straps should be straight and tight. If you don’t like it then I guess you can Unfriend me.

  18. You are so wrong. An incorrectly buckled child could DIE in a crash. Newborns have suffocated in carseats and have been thrown free and died because straps were wrong. Certainly, I hope people are kind about it, but ignoring a improperly buckled kids could lead to their death or paralysis.

    I didn’t know why it mattered until I was educated. I made mistakes with carseat safety before I knew, and I am SOOOOO glad someone told me so I can keep my kids safer now. It’s not a game. It’s children’s lives that could be saved if parents who are making mistakes are kindly educated.

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