15 Sayings That Are Totally Laugh Out Loud Funny
There are few things in life more universally satisfying than a good laugh. It’s the kind of release that makes the worst day at least tolerable for a moment. And then there are those sayings—those little one-liners and quick retorts that seem to live rent-free in everyone’s head. They’re usually passed down through generations, or maybe a coworker muttered them during a meeting when everyone was ready to throw in the towel. Either way, they stick. They make you chuckle, snort, or even slap your knee (if you’re feeling extra theatrical). The best part? They’re usually so ridiculously true that you can’t help but laugh.
So, whether you’re looking to spice up your conversation or just need a solid laugh, here are 15 sayings that are guaranteed to make you snicker, or at least grin like an idiot. Ready? Let’s roll.
“Well, that went over like a fart in church.”
Imagine sitting in a quiet room, people respectfully trying to concentrate, and then… someone lets one rip. That’s the beauty of this phrase. It’s the perfect metaphor for something that completely flopped. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and yep—just plain funny.
“I’m busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.”
The imagery alone makes this a gem. Just picture it. The chaos, the effort, and the inevitable failure—it’s all there. A perfect saying for when you’re juggling way too many tasks and accomplishing none of them, but at least you’re trying, right?
“Well, aren’t you just a ray of sunshine?”
The sarcasm is strong with this one. Reserved for the grumpy, overly dramatic, or just plain rude. It’s what you say when someone’s sour mood is clouding up the room, but you’re too polite (or tired) to engage in an actual argument. Bonus points if delivered with a smile.
“I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
Let’s be real. Everyone has that friend who can never just let something go. And instead of admitting defeat, they’ll argue their way into a circle. This phrase is perfect for them—it acknowledges the stubbornness while making everyone laugh. Because sometimes, being right is exhausting.
“That’s about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
Ah, yes. The perfect way to call something completely and utterly pointless. Whether it’s a failed attempt at a solution or a product that makes no sense, this saying brings humor to the absurd. Because really, who thought a screen door on a submarine would be a good idea?
“I wasn’t born yesterday, but I stayed up late last night.”
This one’s a personal favorite for those moments when someone tries to pull a fast one on you. It’s clever, it’s witty, and it implies that while you may not be new to the game, you might still be a little groggy from staying up too late binging Netflix.
“Well, bless your heart.”
This Southern classic is the ultimate polite insult. It sounds sweet, but the meaning? Not so much. It’s basically saying, “Wow, you’re clueless, but I’m too nice to tell you.” It’s a must-use in situations where someone clearly needs help but doesn’t know it.
“He’s not the brightest crayon in the box.”
We’ve all met someone who just isn’t firing on all cylinders, and this saying paints that picture perfectly. It’s kind of like calling someone slow, but in the nicest, most colorful way possible. You can’t even be mad when someone says it because it’s so darn amusing.
“That’s a whole different can of worms.”
Here’s a saying that perfectly describes the kind of mess no one wants to deal with. Opening a can of worms? Yeah, no thanks. It’s like saying, “You think things are bad now? Wait until you touch that problem.” It’s a humorous way to dodge a disaster waiting to happen.
“I’ll get around to it… when pigs fly.”
Nothing like an impossible task to highlight the sarcasm. Everyone knows pigs aren’t going airborne anytime soon, and that’s exactly the point. It’s the perfect way to let someone know that whatever they’re waiting on? Yeah, they’ll be waiting a loooong time.
“He’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic.”
This one is for the slightly eccentric folks who might be missing a thing or two upstairs. It’s a kinder way of saying someone is a little off their rocker, but it does so with a smile. Because really, who doesn’t want to imagine an incomplete picnic basket?
“You can’t fix stupid.”
This phrase is short, sweet, and to the point. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some things (or people) are just beyond repair. It’s the ultimate verbal shrug of the shoulders when dealing with someone who’s clearly not thinking things through.
“She’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer.”
Not everyone has mastered the art of subtlety, and this saying calls it out in the most exaggerated way possible. It’s for those moments when someone comes in with all the grace of a wrecking ball, and you just have to laugh at how obvious they’re being.
“That’s like herding cats.”
Ever tried to herd a cat? Exactly. This saying perfectly captures the chaos and impossibility of trying to organize something—or someone—that’s completely unmanageable. It’s like trying to control the uncontrollable, which just makes everything even funnier.
“I’ll believe that when cows climb trees.”
Similar to flying pigs, this one is all about the impossible. It’s a humorous way to express doubt without outright calling someone a liar. Because, come on, cows don’t climb trees—unless you’re in some bizarre alternate universe where the laws of physics don’t apply.
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