Kids suck. I get it. If you’re lucky you might only have to yell at them to get off your lawn once or twice a year. But when October 31st rolls around all the neighborhood ragamuffins have been given carte blanche to roam as they please, trodding across your carefully cultivated fescue. The worst part …

Halloween is my jam. My favorite childhood TV shows had me convinced that I needed to live in the Addams family’s house and have Beetlejuice as a best friend. Unfortunately I grew up in a house that was not Halloween friendly. The front door was on the side, down a winding path and through a …