We Need to Stop Telling People It’s Wrong To Remove Toxic People From Their Lives
Toxic breathes toxic.
If you’ve ever had to remove a toxic person from your life, I am sorry. Truly I am.
I’ve been there done that unfortauntly, more than once and it isn’t an easy thing to do.
However, it becomes even harder when we have friends and family telling us how WRONG we are for doing it.
Because then the guilt sets in…
Did I make the right choice?
Should I have been better? Nicer? More understanding?
Was there something I could have said or done differently?
And I am going to stop right there because NOBODY and I mean NOBODY should ever make you feel guilty for cutting a toxic person out of your life.
If anything, they should applaud and commend you for making that tough and unwanted decision.
Instead, I’m sure you’ve heard the typical “but she’s your mom” or “she’s your grandma” (or whatever relationship that person is to you) and let me be the first one to tell you that…
THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS IN WHICH THAT PERSON HOLDS DOES NOT EXCUSE THEM FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR OR ACTIONS.
Let me say it again for the people in the back…
THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS IN WHICH THAT PERSON HOLDS DOES NOT EXCUSE THEM FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR OR ACTIONS.
It does not matter if that person is your mom, dad, aunt, grandparent, sister, brother, or even cousin.
Just because they are blood does not mean they are free and clear from doing you harm and trust me, toxic people cause harm. They cause emotional stress and hurt (sometimes physical) that can cause years of pain and suffering.
Actually, if they are that close to you in bloodline is gives them LESS of a reason to treat you that way because they are family. Not the other way around.
Think about this – if that were your spouse, and you dealt with years or multiple things over the years that did that to you, would you stay? Nope, that is what divorce is for (among other things). But I know you wouldn’t stay, you’d find a way to relieve yourself from that hurt and pain and try to move on with your life.
That is where I am here to tell you that you can do the same with family or truly any person that is toxic to you and your family.
Will it be easy? No.
But trust me, it will be worth it.
You will become a better person and relieving that toxicity feels so good.
So, remember the next time someone tries to pull the rank card, throw it back in their face because you deserve to be happy and free from toxic people.
And if you are ever in a situation where someone confides in you for doing the same, give them a hug and tell them “good for you!” and “you did the right thing” because they did!
For young people everything is so simple. Your mother in law thinks differently to you – she’s toxic!
Your parents who have given you a good home & upbringing expect some respect in return – they’re toxic!
No one was toxic when I was growing up. There were nice people and not so nice people. You had respect for everyone & saw the nicer ones more often than the not so nice ones but you didn’t just erase them from your life.
I understand that you advocate that anyone who makes you feel bad is toxic & should be deleted from your life but what does that teach us? What does it teach our children? Who decides what’s toxic or not. If someone upsets you, are they toxic? The word is used so loosely. The world is one tough place. I’ve lived many years in this world and I’ve learned to control myself & my emotions rather than keep away from the source that upsets me. Believe you me you grow in a far healthier manner & learn to work on yourself first.
Sorry but many of the “new” ways things are handled will reverse in the next generation. After all every generation when young thinks we know it better. And with time we find out we never did.
I am in my 60s and totally agree with eliminating toxic people from your life. I choose what I will and will not allow in my life. I am not going to be a martyr to make someone else happy.
Sharon, you are attempting to do exactly what this article says not to do.. guilt people into continuing in toxic relationships.