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21 Funny Tweets In Honor of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and while many on Twitter are bragging about their romantic plans or lamenting the lack of a date, these fine men and women know what we really want — to be entertained.  I’ve compiled 21 thoroughly wacky tweets about love, dating, and massive exasperation guaranteed to make you laugh.

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21 Funny Tweets In Honor of Valentine’s Day

Human women don’t murder the males after sex, but every woman understands wanting to kill after a bad joke.

A master strategist at work.

I hope he shared.

Taking a woman’s food — even more dangerous than not sharing.

I hear the prices of balloons are going up.  It’s due to inflation.

Snack size is ONLY for stealing from children at Halloween.  Or buying in bulk while telling yourself you’re gonna ration it responsibly and then eating it all by bedtime.

Who doesn’t find extra leg room sexy?

Solid strategy, sister.

Just make sure you get her full-sized chocolate.

https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/682055528311308288

Q: If a wrapper crinkles and no one hears it, you still have to share?
A: No. This is the number one reason to learn stealth.

He threw out your fries.

Women love dedication to a good pun.

Begs the question: did she see it there or does he leave things in the freezer that often?

Aww, it’s their song!

Wow, he is almost too wild.

Perfectly normal.  Right?

https://twitter.com/TheMichaelRock/status/703209141091762176

Such as the edge of the giant knife his wife is in the middle of cleaning.

Falling down is the new strut.

Cats are terrible photographers.

Give a woman apple butter, it’ll be a nice snack.  Teach a woman how to make apple butter, and she’ll keep coming back to steal your recipes.  She’ll never make them, but she’ll be the new queen of Pinterest.

Always the right answer.

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