Sometimes All Someone Needs Is Your Willingness To Sit In The Mud Alongside Them
If you are trying to check on someone to see if they are OK, maybe don’t immediately try yanking them out of the mud. It is so easy to try and fix other people’s problems. I should know, I used to be one of the biggest culprits when it comes to this.
You can never be sure exactly what someone is going through, what they feel comfortable revealing to you, or how ready they are to be OK again.
In moments like these, they may just need to know that you’re willing to sit next to them in the mud to let them know you’re there for them. That you are not afraid to get a little dirty. That them “not being okay” won’t scare you off.
The time to pull your friend out of the mud will come. But you don’t know when the timing for that is best. That is not up to you and it is not in your hands.
It can be so easy to assume that you know what is best for someone when you feel that you are in a better mental state. But unless you are in their shoes with their feelings and their struggles, you need to follow their lead on this one.
So don’t force it. Don’t force someone to conform to your standards of when it’s time to be OK, or when it’s time to “look on the bright side” or to “just be happy”.
Everyone heals differently and everyone processes differently. It is important to take the time to understand from their standpoint, what they need.
The goal is just to ensure they know you’re there for them, no matter how dark their times get. No matter how long they need to heal. Trying to force positive thoughts onto someone can sometimes feel like a slap in the face to them.
When you’re struggling with depression, anxiety, or trauma, sometimes it seems impossible to think positively. Sometimes they may just need you to take something, anything, off their plate.
Watch their kids for a day.
Do some tasks around their house.
Be there just so they have someone near by. The littlest ounce of showing you are there and not going anywhere is what is going to breakthrough to them.
Be real. Be authentic. Don’t be blind to the struggles of others. Help them, the way they need it, not the way you want to give it.
