I love that people depend on me. I mean, it’s one of my favorite things in the world that I’m able to be there for people and help them with their daily, well, whatevers. But, sometimes it stretches me so thin I feel like a rubberband about to pop. It’s like everyone wants everything all at once, and it’s all the top priority, and if I pick wrong which-thing-is-most-necessary, someone is going to be disappointed. And that’s it, right? I mean, when you’re a people-pleaser and always trying to be there for everyone it feels like there’s always SOMEONE who’s upset with you. How in the world are you supposed to deal with that? How does anyone deal with that? What do you do when you’re the ‘Go To’ Gal and you’ve got nothing left to give?
Beware Of People-Pleasing, It’s Not What It Seems…
It always starts off innocently enough, right? I mean, a friend is like, “Hey, can you help me move this weekend?” and you’re like, “Sure. No problem. Be happy to.” So you pop that into your little planner and smile and feel amazing because you’re going to get to help your friend. Plus, moving always means free pizza and beer? And who isn’t down for free pizza and beer?
Then someone else comes along. Your sister-in-law, maybe. “Hey. Saturday’s our anniversary.” You forgot. “Would you mind watching the kids overnight so we can get away and have some fun?” You think about the moving but know that’ll probably only be during the day, “Sure,” you answer. Then schedule that.
Okay, so it’ll be a busy weekend, but you can deal. You always deal. I mean, you’re like the terminator of dealers. When something happens you don’t sweat it, you’re all, “I’ll be back…to deal with you.” You are Literally the first person everyone turns to…hold on, you’re getting a call from your mom.
“Honey, something just happened. Your uncle just died.” You didn’t even know your uncle was sick. “Oh my gosh!” You think about all the fun and amazing things you did together when you were little. “Uncle Frank,” she says. Uncle who? Turns out, this isn’t your uncle, but rather your dad’s uncle. And you’ve maybe met the man one time a million years ago but your mom is really upset. So she wants you to come over and be with her and dad while they talk through all their Uncle Frank memories. “Absolutely,” you say. It’s Thursday. You’re okay, though. You’re freakin’ Wonder Woman. You’ve got the swim suit to prove it and everything.
You head over to mom’s and on the way a text comes in from your boss, ::I need you to get all these super important things done by Friday:: In your head you start calculating. ::Definitely:: you text back.
Your pastor just called. Can teach the kids activities class Friday night? You don’t have plans, right? Okay, so this is going to be a super stressful weekend, it seems, but, you can deal. You’re the dealinator, remember?
Take a deep breath, there, wild woman. You aren’t. I mean, you want to be the go-to gal, but do you see what’s happening here? In about ten minutes you’re going to have a major, super duper, ugly-crying freak-out. You’re going to realize that it’s been three weeks since you had a day off. That you can’t remember if you brushed your teeth today. That no matter how much you try to do all this (and the twenty things other people are about to ask of you) someone is going to end up upset with you.
Take a step back.
Yes, you want to be all these different things for all these different people, and yes they appreciate it…but who are you for you?
I mean, it’s great and all that you step up when people need you but it is literally impossible for you to be there for everyone and at some point you’re going to end up sitting on the toilet power eating your way through a box of Swiss Rolls and sobbing about how stressed you are.
Whoa there, Nelly. Put away the Swiss Rolls, it’s time to deal with this like an adult. You are not Wonder Woman…no matter what your bathing suit says. And even if it means disappointing someone, you are going to HAVE to start putting yourself first on some things.
Are you meditating?
How well are you sleeping at night?
Who is YOUR go-to person?
Think about these things and figure out how to make sure they are in your life. If you can’t take care of yourself then you’ve got no business taking care of everyone else. It’s that simple. Make yourself a priority and once you do, you’ll find it’s much easier to be the ‘go to’ person you’re meant to be for everyone else.