The Guy At The Coffee Shop Thinks I Pee in the Dark
I spend a lot of time at my local coffee shop. I drop the daughter off at school most days, and then trek it on over so I can write, work, or just whatever the heck else I need to get done in the mornings.
It makes me keep a real-life work schedule even though I don’t have to have one.
Anyway, I’ve sort of gotten to know the people that work there. Not like we’re buddies that hang out together on the weekends or anything–but I would smile and say hi if I ran into them at the grocery store.
Since I’m there for a few hours at a time, I’m pretty used to their restroom.
I’m not much for public restrooms. (Who is, really?) But, they keep them clean, and sometimes you just gotta do your thing. I’ve even developed a sort of routine. I wash my hands, take the paper towel, open up the door, flip off the light and then throw the towel in the trash.
What? So, I’m being a bit germaphobic? Blame it on Oprah–she did a thing once all about fecal matter on restroom doors–NASTY.
Well, one day I got off on my routine. I dried my hands, then reached up with my paper towel and turned out the light. Okay, no biggie–I’m not OCD or anything, so I just opened the door.
Problem was at the same time I went to open the door (which auto unlocks when you open it), the guy that works behind the counter was opening it from the outside.
At which point I let out a little startled squeal, and so did he–but then, all he could say over and over again was, “I looked and there was no light coming from under the door. Seriously, I looked–there was no light.”
And, instead of saying I turned off the light then threw away the towel–or ANYTHING like that–I just gave him a wide-eyed stare instead. THAT was my opportunity to set him straight, but of course I didn’t. Nope, I picked that very moment to say nothing.
Now, it’s been WAY too long for me to bring up the incident, because if I did, he would think I was crazycakes. But, I know he remembers it, and so do I. It’s SO awkward every time I talk to him, and I KNOW it’s all he’s thinking about. Right? I mean, it has to be!
My guess is… he probably tells everyone about the nutty pink-haired lady who pees in the dark.
As always you are cracking my up!! Thanks for the early Sunday morning laughs!!!
This made me laugh so hard! Thank you so much. I really needed this! Don’t feel too bad, I’m a bit germaphobic myself!
You could have told him that writers get easily distracted so you have to write in the bathroom in the dark 😉
Well, creative types have strange habits, dontcha know?
Hee hee. That just made me laugh! You could always tell him you are not only a writer, but you can do anything in the dark. It’s like a super power thing. Wait…don’t do that. It might just make it more awkward. Oh well. =)
I was at my local coffee house doing some writing and the most annoying person was basically yelling at the person next to him. I walked to my barista (who like you, I’m ‘friends’ with) and gave her a tip saying, “This is because you have to deal with that asshole the rest of the night.” And now I get free coffee every once in a while. 🙂
Maybe you’ll get pity coffee. It taste good!
HAHAHA Sometimes shuttin up makes things much more interesting… Always leave them guessing! 🙂 Thx for the laugh…
@Ann, hah, YES- It’s important to be shrouded in mystery, right? 🙂
I have a husband and two boys. My bathroom sometimes smells like a Port-A-Potty.
And yeah, he TOTALLY should have knocked first!
@Ishta Mercurio, argh GROSS!! SO glad I have a daughter!!
@Jamie, Yup, it’s gross all right. I have floor cleaner and rags in there permanently. Ew.
Tell people in casual conversation that peeing in the dark is part of your new Green Philosophy. You may start a trend 😛
@Aimee Walker, haha and just make sure I say it RIGHT in front of him–that’s be awesome.
At least he’s not wondering whether you washed your hands. That would be worse. p.s. Shouldn’t he have knocked anyway?
@Martha Calderaro, ohhh GOOD point… how was HE to know that someone wasn’t sitting back there in the dark?!?!
*snort* Ah, this is why I avoid public places at all costs. 😉 I’m sure he’s just jealous that you can OBVIOUSLY see in the dark. He suspects you are a pink-haired superhero.
@WritingLeigh, YES!!!! Oh, the idea of him assuming I’m a superhero is FAR better!!
Hey.. even if you DID pee in the dark… you’d still hit the toilet and thus be further ahead of the male -peeing bell curve.. that always just seems to miss the toilet- light on or not….
so to speak:P
@tracey solomon, YES! There is no more disgusting place than a boys bathroom down a kindergarten hallway. Seriously–YECH!!!