I Will Not Let The Holdays Overwhelm Me

If I drop the Christmas ham on the kitchen floor, the dog eats it, gets sick and throws up right under the tree, I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If I forget about the Elf on The Shelf and my daughter cries because she’s pretty sure the reason he didn’t report back to the North Pole last night is because he’s died a magical death and now Santa will never even know he’s gone, I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If I go Black Friday shopping, forget to turn the light off inside my car, get stranded and have to call my husband out at 4am to give me a jump, I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If the one thing my daughter wants sells out the day before I make it to the store to buy it I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If my family comes over and picks apart every detail of my life in the name of caring I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If I find out the box containing my precious daughter’s handmade Christmas ornaments was invaded by a mouse and everything is now eaten I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If the neighbors leave their Christmas lights on 24/7 and they shine right into my bedroom window I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If I take a bite of a delicious looking chocolate chip cookie and find out it’s actually a disgusting raisin cookie I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If the mall santa I take my daughter to is drunk and tells her he’s not real and that Christmas is a commercialized sham made up by the greeting card companies I will not let the holidays overwhelm me.

If my husband, in a moment of complete male ignorance, gives me a partially used Walmart gift card that he got from returning something and calls it my ‘Christmas Present’… I will hide the body and tearfully report him missing but I will NOT let the holidays overwhelm me.