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I’m scared of who I meet deciding they don’t like me if my looks change

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I keep getting asked the question— did things go south in your marriage when you lost the weight? 

Yeah. They did. It wasn’t the beginning of things being over, there were signs long before that,  but when I dropped 200 lbs? A man with a fat girl fetish just isn’t going to be into me anymore, no matter how hard I try. 

And yeah, I considered gaining it back. In case you’re wondering if that’s ever crossed my mind, it most definitely has. I mean, I know I will gain some of it back at some point. I can’t stay like this forever. 

And that’s what has me stressed out about dating. I’m the prettiest I’ll ever be. I’m sure of that, and if it’s all downhill from here, then how am I going to handle it when the next guy decides I’m not the right type anymore just because I had to make some sort of life changing decision for my health? 

I mean… it happens. It just happened to me. What’s to stop it from happening again?

What then? How do you trust that someone is willing to love you no matter what part of life you’re in, when the someone who promised to love you no matter what stopped loving you the second you got hot? 

I think that’s just another reason I’m scared to trust. I had a friend (who is very traditionally hot btw I feel this is important to this conversation) say to me the other day, “Looks just get you in the door. Then you have to figure out if you even like them.” 

But then, we started kind of exploring that more, and as we were talking about it, we started talking about how not only do looks get you in the door, but they also promise you more chances later. 

And that’s the real thing about it right? If looks get you in the door, then it stands that being hotter than you used to be would get you into a lot more doors.

That’s where things get interesting. Maybe it’s dating apps or maybe it’s just men you’re meeting in a bar, but when there’s more options, it’s a great, awesome, albeit overwhelming thing.

I still don’t know what the next chapter of my life looks like or if, I’ll ever add to it, but what I do know is that I’m going to do it scared.

And I’m not sure how to get over this fear. Because it feels really really valid. 

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3 Comments

  1. Curious… Did you know he had a fat girl fetish early on?

      1. I asked as I was worried (as much as an internet rando can be) that you went into the relationship knowing that. As that, in my mind, would make your issues with struggling with your worth bigger and rooted even deeper. Being liked as you are and being liked because of a kink are miles apparat. All the relationship outcome aside, at the very least I am happy you didn’t go into the relationship with the mindset of settling for someone liking you as a kink (I hope that makes sense).