Thank you for letting me turn it off

I have a friend that lets me wander aimlessly behind them. When we go to a store, they know what we are getting, when we are at an event, they have my escape route all planned out, and when we are on a walk, they know the way home. 

You see, I’m a little bit of a lost puppy right now. In the midst of my divorce, the restraining orders, and just all the chaos that is my life right now, I need to be able to turn off my brain. 

And that is what this friend understands. 

This friend understands that I am not in a place where I want to drive around a bunch right now, so they’re willing to be the driver. They get that I can’t make decisions about what’s for dinner, so they just hand me food they know I’ll like. They know I can’t remember what we need to get at Target, so they just let me push the cart and look at pretty stuff. 

I think it’s important, especially after a big trauma like this whole past year has been, to find people who can let you be a little abnormal. A little weird. 

Like, if I need to be someone who doesn’t make decisions for a minute, and I have a friend that’s willing to do those for me, then that is the person I need to be around right now. 

And that’s the thing, after something like getting strangled by someone you were married to, it’s hard to trust your instincts and your judgment when it comes to making new friends. 

Should it be somebody that I can trust? Clearly I have no concept of that. Take in a fight? That seems like a small pool of people. 

Idk. I just know that right now I need people that are willing to give me grace and the time to heal. The time to think through all of this so I can get my head on straight. 

At first, at first I was so lost I felt like I had to do it alone. I felt like I had to back off from people. 

But then, something else happened, the friends, the people that want to be here with me through all of this? They want to be there even on the bad days. 

I don’t know how to handle that. I don’t know what to do when this friend calls on a bad day and takes me for a drive or just sits quietly with me when I don’t want to use words. 

How do you handle a real friend like this? Someone who looks at you and says, “I’m not going to give up on you…” 

Even when you’re yelling at them to give the heck up on you already… even then. 

How do we handle those people? The people willing to fight for us. The ones willing to see us through this and onto the other side. 

I guess the secret is that we don’t. They aren’t asking us to handle them. They’re asking us to heal. And for some reason? They see past the pain to who we really are and are willing to be by our side when we need them. 

Wow. Maybe people are good. Especially this friend.