Best Friend Break Ups Suck And We Need To Talk About It

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I’m very much a best friend person.

I’d rather have a few really great friends than a ton of acquaintances. I don’t know if I’m an introvert or an extrovert because like— I love going out, but also if it’s crowded I want to go home immediately.

So whatever that is, I’m that. But I like going and doing stuff with a few people, not a ton. People I don’t have to walk on eggshells around. People I can be myself with.

There’s a huge problem with that, though, when you move to a whole new city and try your damndest to find real authentic friendships while also being your own weird self, things can go awry.

Which, recently happened to me. I moved, and made a friend. It takes a lot for me to let anyone in my tiny friend circle, because honestly I’m kind of a blunt person and you need to be able to deal with that if you’re going to be friends with me.

Yeah, I’m working on it.

Anyway, my whole point is, I let a friend get super close, started to care all the way about her, her kids, and just everything in her life.

Her bs was starting to be my bs. I was starting to actually care. she was who I called. She was my bestie. And that was fun.

Then, that all changed, we had a falling out (I take full responsibility. Again, I’m mean.) and now we don’t talk.

Nobody talks about what it’s like to going from talking to someone every single day to caring about everything in their life from what shoes they’re wearing to who they’re dating, to what their super secret hopes and dreams are to just wishing each other the best and seeing each other in passing.

It’s hard. Sometimes too hard. I walked into a bar that we both frequent the other day and she was there.

I walked right back out. It was easier than having to sit in the same place and know we aren’t sharing stories anymore.

It was easier than knowing she was there wishing I wasn’t.

Friend breakups suck.

You know you’re going to take each other’s secrets to the grave, but you also know there’s someone out there that was so a part of your life, and now they’re just… not.

How do you handle them? What do you do?

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  1. I had a best friend that I trusted with my life and not just my life, my daughter, who is everything to me. I found out she was using drugs with my daughter. I have never let anyone close to me before. I switch a lot between anger, loss, missing her, and hating her. I don’t know what kind of advice I can give. I’ve learned I’m the type with a betrayal like that. You’re dead to me. I may forgive you, but I will never let you in my life again.

    1. Man, see I think that the last best friend break up was almost like this mutually destructive thing for me. It’s hard to trust. Like… really hard.

  2. it feels like every time I find my person.. something happens and then they aren’t my person anymore. I grieve. I grieve hard and long. I always feel it is my fault. I want to know what I did wrong, why I’m not good enough to be their friend anymore. it hurts so much.
    I have no advice for you Jamie. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in how you’re feeling. I feel ya girlie!

    1. Dude… RIGHT!? Like how can we think we’ve got it so right and then it turns out to be so wrong. It’s like I have horrible taste in men AND friends. heh.