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My Tree Will Never Make It To Christmas…

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Every year we go through the same thing: I put up a Christmas tree; my animals do everything in their power to take it down. I’d say it’s the circle of life, but the truth is this is more a battle of wills between me and those little furry beasts I call pets. It’s like they’re possessed. And I don’t understand…I mean, it isn’t like the tree ever did anything to them. It’s not like the tree comes in out of the cold throwing shade or something. It’s a tree. And yet, every single year it happens…and the sad truth is I know how this is going to go down: my tree will never make it to Christmas.


My Tree Will Never Make It To Christmas…

A few years ago I thought I’d figure out a way to outsmart my animals. It seemed that maybe the reason they went after the tree so hard was because it was fresh. Maybe the tree smelled like squirrels or something. My dogs love to chase squirrels, so it seemed logical that if they thought squirrels were in the tree, they’d knock over the tree trying to get to them. SO. Me in all my infinite planning decided to get an artificial tree instead. No smell = no chasing, right? Wrong. It took them three days to bring the tree to the floor.

Last year I did one better…I got a shorter tree and positioned it on a coffee table. If the tree’s not at nose height, maybe they wouldn’t take it down. Nope, not so much. Same thing. A few days and the tree was toast.

Short of building a fence around my tree, I couldn’t figure out how in the world to keep them out of it.

And they’re actually the small part of the problem. The bigger issue is my cat. She waddles when she walks and doesn’t seem like she could do much damage, but boy howdy does she have issues with Christmas ornaments.

It’s like the raising of the tree also triggers Ninja Kitty mode and she waddles her big fat kitty-butt, leaps into the tree, and grabs as many ornaments as possible on her way down. And since she’s a fat cat – it’s a lot.

I learned early on not to have glass ornaments for this very reason. And you’d think things would be better with plastic, but instead she and the dogs seem to collude and decide that they’re there for their pleasure (take that, grammar nerds!). It’s like they see those shiny plastic balls and in their little animal minds all they can think is, “Ohh, mommy got us toys! And she hung them for us to play with and everything.”

Stinkin’ little animals.

Still, even if I could change it, I’m not sure I would. No, my tree is never going to survive all the way to Christmas. It just never is. But, the battle is part of the fun. Sure, I gripe, and fuss, and take pictures for the world to see, but life would be so boring without this.

I imagine those animal-free homes with their completely safe Christmas trees and I feel bad for them. How many times do they get to rearrange their ornaments each year? Probably not even once. Poor people!

So yes, it can be frustrating constantly picking up tinsel, looking for where the ornaments landed, and wondering if one or all of them is going to get electrocuted by chewing through the light cord, but honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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