What It’s Like Giving Birth…To The Placenta

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Awww. Sweet relief.

Baby cries. Mommy cries. Ladies in masks and gowns smile with their eyes, and declare their congratulations across the hustle and bustle of a busy room.

I just gave birth to my first child, my beautiful, perfect daughter.

Only, I’m not done yet. And somehow I forgot…the placenta.

giving birth...again

What It’s Like Giving Birth…To The Placenta

Skin-on-skin, they put her on my chest so the bonding process can start. So sweet. Daddy cries tears of joy. Mommy cries tears of joy. Our princess has made her debut into the world. All is right in life. Euphoric feelings of happiness surround our little family. Ten tiny, perfect fingers. Ten tiny, perfect toes. Perf …

Oh, sweet Jesus! What is that fecking pain?!! That familiar searing pain across my belly? Contractions?!? Am I having twins?!?

“Okay. Now it’s time to birth the placenta.”

Wait, what? Birth? I already gave birth! See this tiny human on my chest? See this actual child I pushed out my vagina?! I’ve already had my 27 long hours of birthing experience fun. The birth already happened. I’m done. You have to be mistaken.

OUCH! Sweet mother of fricken holy crap! That was definitely a fricken contraction. What the actual hell?

I try to hold on to this sweet, slippery, wiggling creature that has been given to me, as the pain shoots across my still-swollen belly and down to my nether regions.

I’m so confused. Baby on my chest, contractions happening through my entire mid-section. I can’t understand anything that anyone is saying. I’m so fricken tired.

Holy fecking son of Zeus! That was a definite contraction!

A nurse takes my sweet angel off my chest. After passing the tiny bit of perfection off to another … I’m assuming … nurse, the first nurse starts to massage my belly.

When I say “massage my belly,” I really mean that she acts like my stomach is a piece of dough, and it is her job in life to punish it into submission. She takes her job seriously, and she seems to be taking actual pleasure, too much fricking¬†pleasure, in this job.

“Alright, here it comes.”

I better be getting a second child out of this … or at least some kind of medal.

“Give a slight push.”

What? Didn’t I already do this part?

Pain, pain, fricking pain …

Finally, sweet relief once more!!

“There it is. All done!”

Oh, thank God. Thank the sweet Lord for this blissful reprieve once more!! I’m done! I did it!! It’s over!

“Okay. Now we just have to stitch up your tear.”


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  1. Retained placenta screwed up my skin to skin immediately. I needed oxygen due to bronchitis/ almost pneumonia. A teaching hospital isn’t place if u don’t want all interns knowing what retained placenta is. Too traumatic for details. Hands!
    Fast forward a week after home. Hemorrhaging, rush to ER . Body did on own again. Just no dr there till stopped. No epidural, as if worked during placenta after birth. I asked if on. Saw no Dr til done feeling like birth and flooding room floor with blood. God bless that CNA. She was sweet every single time she came to clean up bed and me. Painful exam, internal US, saw tiny piece left so overnight stay and d&c early AM.
    Little man in for jaundice until about 20 hrs before tbis started. Whew! Never written. That out. All can type,think about it.

  2. Yes! No one talks about the placenta delivery! It’s even more fun when it won’t come out and has to be manually removed-oh, the joy of one doctor practically standing on your stomach while the other manually extracts it!

  3. Oh yes, the placenta, such joy! I had a retained placenta that after a bunch of jumping up and down on my belly had to be manually extracted. I don’t know which was worse the 4-hours of pushing or the doctor scooping my insides out with her hand.

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