20 Reasons Zombies Make Great Boyfriends…
It’s October (FINALLY), which means two things: Halloween, and the return of The Walking Dead. I wish I could say I was more excited about Halloween, but I’d be lying to everyone. I’m All About TWD. But I’m also slightly twisted, and just a little bit off, so the other day (okay, probably more like three in the morning), I was thinking about how I really don’t care much for dating and then I realized – zombies would make surprisingly great boyfriends. Like, for real for real. So I came up with a list: 20 Reasons Zombies Make Great Boyfriends. Personally? The last one is my favorite…enjoy!
20 Reasons Zombies Make Great Boyfriends…
1. They don’t care what you’re wearing. After all, they’ve worn the same outfit since they died. Who are they to judge?
2. They never argue. Like, never.
3. They love spending time with you. In fact, they’ll straight up follow you around if given half the chance!
4. They prefer it when the waitstaff is slow. *chuckle*
5. They’ll never think you look fat in that dress. They just want to eat you up!
6. They don’t leave the toilet paper roll empty. No intestines, no need to hog the bathroom.
7. They love going to the mall, as long as they get to snack while they’re there…
8. You never have to worry about them using all the hot water. Or any water, for that matter. Talk about going green!
9. They love to cuddle close. Closer. Closer…
10. They’re pretty chill about you looking at other men. Even more so if their eyeballs have already begun to decay.
11. You don’t have to worry about them eating that last piece of chocolate cake. That’s all yours, babycakes!
12. They’re all freelancers, so no worries about their job getting in the way.
13. They care about the same things you do, like global overpopulation.
14. They love to use ethnic ingredients when they cook. Mexican, anyone?
15. They don’t care if you forgot to shave your legs. Not even a little.
16. They will never make fun of your driving. As long as you don’t hit them, that is…
17. Your boyfriend really is the scariest dude at the bar. For real for real.
18. Sports mean nothing to them. Their coordination isn’t all that great, after all…
19. They’ll never make fun of all the duck-face photos you have up on Instagram. You should just see the pictures THEY take!
20. And the most important: They love you for your brain.
So this is a useful thing to me.