The Thing About Control

The thing about control is that you don’t really notice when you have it. You only notice when it’s gone.

And once you lose it? That’s all you can think about. Every little thing becomes a desperate attempt to grab it back—routine, structure, strategy, anything that feels like safety.

They always say the key to happiness is “being present,” but if you’re just sitting there trying to control the moment instead of actually living it, that’s not presence. That’s just pressure.

And maybe that’s where it all starts to unravel.

I don’t know how I keep ending up in these situations where I’m this sparkly little Tinkerbell and somehow I’ve found myself stuck under the control of Peter Pan—who we all know is going to end up with Wendy anyway. Like, how do I keep getting cast in the role of the girl who’s just supposed to be grateful to be flying next to him?

It’s not just about love or relationships either. When you’ve been cheated on, it’s like you’re always reaching for control. Because betrayal rips that away from you. And weirdly, the only people who truly get that kind of pain are the ones who’ve been through it, too.

Which means you end up in this messy loop of two hurt people trying really hard not to hurt each other. Even when they’ve done the work. Even when they think they’re healed. And honestly? All of that healing can go straight out the window once real feelings get involved.

It’s wild how fast it can go from “I’m okay” to “Wait—what if I’m not?”

And then you’re back in the cycle. Trying to figure out how to stay in control of something that was never really yours to manage in the first place.

Letting go is hard. But gripping tighter when you’re already losing your grip? That’s harder.

So maybe the goal isn’t control at all.

Maybe it’s learning to trust yourself enough to let go.