This Is What Happens When You Offer Love to Emotionally Unavailable People

Over the past year, I’ve discovered something weirdly specific about myself:

I find emotionally unavailable men super attractive.

I don’t know what it is about a guy who doesn’t know what he’s feeling, but that confused look mixed with a half-smile and a “You’re great” somehow has me hooked.

Then comes the occasional “You’re awesome,” and boom—I’m all in.

Oh, am I? Am I really great and awesome?

Because I actually exist. My life is big. And messy. And real. I don’t have it all figured out, and that chaos? That’s part of what makes me me. So if I hand you the whole unfiltered version of my life, and you still think I’m great… do you even see me?

The truth is, I tell them. Every time.

I say: Here’s all my crap. It’s messy and it’s everywhere, but it’s beautiful, and it’s mine. It brings me joy.

And yet, I keep ending up with men who, when it really counts, can’t hold any of it.

Why? Maybe it goes back to my dad. He’s amazing. He’s always been there. His love? Unconditional.

So yeah, maybe I internalized that. Maybe I started thinking that’s how all love should be.

But the hard truth is… it shouldn’t.

Romantic love should have conditions. Healthy ones. Like: don’t disappear when I need you. Like: don’t make me feel like I have to earn your attention. Like: don’t strangle me instead of leaving.

Yeah. That happened. And sometimes I wonder, did he think I was dead in that moment? I’ll never know. I’m not sure he even knows.

So now, I’m left here trying to define what “emotionally unavailable” even means.

Is it about trauma? Past heartbreak? A refusal to feel?

Because what I’ve learned is, emotionally unavailable people can love you.

But they’ll never show up in a way that makes that love feel real. They want connection without vulnerability. Closeness without accountability.

And the worst part? It still feels like love.

I’ve lived it. Over and over.

There’s the guy who always has an exit strategy. He cares—but only until things get too real. He’s got a thousand reasons why I’ll never be the one… but somehow still wants to keep me around. It’s safe for him, because deep down he knows it can’t go further.

Then there’s the ones who feel perfect in the beginning—strong, steady, protective. They make you feel like you’ve finally found home… until you realize they only show up when it’s convenient. They say “I love you” before they even know your middle name. And when you actually need them? They vanish.

And maybe—just maybe—I overlook the ones who are actually available. The kind, emotionally intelligent guys who recognize right away that we’re not a match. And maybe that hurts my ego more than my heart.

Maybe I’m chasing heartbreak dressed up as potential.

But here’s what I know for sure:

You can love someone who’s emotionally unavailable.
They can love you right back.
But it will never be enough.
And it will always, always hurt.

So maybe… it’s time I stop doing it.