Toddlers are cute as a bug, cuddly when they want to be and their cherubic cheeks leave your fingers twitching to pinch. As angelic (and harmless) as they appear, their super-sonic hearing can pick up on everything you say even in dog-whistle decibels. Especially the words you hiss through clenched teeth when you accidentally slam the screen door on your fingers or spill hot coffee down your last clean shirt.
And they aren’t shy about repeating what they hear. In the loudest voice possible. In the most inappropriate place.
So how does a bad mom save face when playgroup etiquette has been breached? Here are 7 Keys to surviving when your toddler drops an effy.
Playgroup Etiquette: 7 Keys to Surviving When Your Toddler Drops an Effy
1). Ignore it. Behavior that garners attention (even the negative kind) is often repeated. Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction.
2). Keep your cool.
Think before you act, particularly if your first reaction is to laugh. Unless of course you want a reenactment of that scene from Finding Nemo when all the little birdies chime in.
Or the Def Comedy Jam: toddler edition. So keep a poker face, don’t make a big deal about it and the behavior will likely correct itself–so long as you do a tad bit better job of watching your own mouth.
Pray no one heard it and no one repeats it or else you might find yourself in the cross hairs of the judgy mom brigade.
4. Deny til you die!
Learning the native tongue is one of the cutest things about toddler-hood. S’s sound like F’s. M’s can sound like B’s. Sit can very easily sound like S#it. True story. So whatever those moms think they heard? After another round of mimosas they’ll forget all about it.
5). Look that judgy mom in the eye.
Then proceed to punch her right square in the boob. Hard. You don’t want your kid hanging out with her kid anyway.
6). Award bonus points for context.
Using bad language gratuitously is one thing. But if your kid curses in proper context? Get our your wallet and buy the house a round of fro-yo cause, no joke, you’ve got yourself a bright one.
7). Blame Dad.
He’s at work and not there to defend himself anyway.
While we try to be perfect, shining examples for our kids, moms are human. We sometimes think things we shouldn’t, do things we shouldn’t and say things we hope will never, ever be repeated. So buck up and learn to smile through all those innocently embarrassing moments. The days of breaking curfew and sneaking out of the house are still to come.