It never fails. Some special moment in our lives is coming up, we prepare by picking out the perfect outfit, get all excited and then the day of, or a day before, what happens? Our period starts. It’s like a horrible colossal joke the universe plays on us. So, yeah, period ‘ragrets’? I have a few…
Period ‘Ragrets’, I Have A Few
Perfect example of one of my ‘ragrets’ is my wedding day. Beautiful, elegant white gown, looking gorgeous, feeling excited and of course looking forward to consummating the marriage, (let’s be real)…but no… Aunt Flo showed up and that bitch wasn’t even invited. The look on my grooms face was a look of disappointment and all I wanted to do was cry. Now I get to worry about bleeding through my white wedding gown, not to mention hoisting that baby up to go to the bathroom was NO easy task. The most special day of my life and half the time I was worried about my damn period and leaving a trail of red down the isle.
Swimming when I was younger, for whatever reason my Mom wasn’t a fan of tampons, so in place of… I had to wear a mattress between my legs. Like THAT’s a pretty sight. There was no way I was going swimming with all that business going on. At that age I wasn’t all, “No, I’m on the rag and wearing a mattress, so I’ll just sit here and watch you all have fun.” Talk about ruining a good time…”Thanks Aunt Flo, again showing up when you’re not wanted.”
Let’s not forget the cramps Aunt Flo brings with her. The ones that curl you up in a ball of misery hoping to god you’ll either die or she’ll get the hint that she’s over stayed her welcome and leave. HA! Wishful thinking, she never leaves soon enough. It’s always fun to explain to someone, “I’m sorry I can’t go with you, right now I’m practicing the fetal position with a hot rice bag on my stomach and taking far too many Midol. Rain check in like 3-5 days?” Thanks Aunt Flo, you sadistic bitch. Now you’ve ruined another good time. The least you could do is bring chocolate when you show up.
Now that I’ve been married for going on 9 years, Aunt Flo thinks it’s funny to start right before my husband gets home from working out of town for a week. Really?!? How is this even fair? “Sorry babe, gonna have to wait until your next days off.” Does she have some sort of calendar that doesn’t mesh up with my own? Can she send a reminder like a week in advance? No, because face it, she doesn’t care. She knows the most unwanted times to show up and I’m pretty sure she laughs about it.
This, this has happened to me so many times I’ve lost count… Walking through a store and everything seems right with the world and then, BAM!…it happens. That feeling and you’re immediately in panic mode to make it to the bathroom walking with your legs together, shuffling along praying you make it before a total mess occurs, only to find when you get there you have nothing in your purse. You sit there on the toilet waiting for someone to come in and wave your hand under the stall door, “Excuse me, you wouldn’t happen to have tampon?” Thankfully women understand this dilemma and have helped me out, but this is definitely a ‘ragret’ that I didn’t refill my purse after the last time. What was I thinking?
I ‘ragret’ having to tell you all this, but this will be a struggle we ladies have to deal with, well until menopause..until then, pack your purse with Midol, tampons, and chocolate and we’ll be able to make it through…Let’s stick together ladies. Even though we’re built for this, I still think it’s a big ole pain in the uterus.