Today I Lied About Being A Mom…

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I don’t even know how to start writing this. I’ve started it now three times and deleted it three times because it’s so embarrassing and frustrating and – what kind of a person makes up a kid? This kind. Me. Today I lied about being a mom and the second the lie slipped out of my mouth I wanted to swallow it back up. But you can’t take back a lie like that…that one’s too big.

liar

It happened in the waiting room of a car repair shop. I was waiting on an alignment and had run out of games to play on my phone, so I started watching TMZ on the big television. One of the reporters caught up with Elton John’s son, Elijah (who is two) and was interviewing him. It was adorable and funny and I laughed out loud. The only other person in the room was a young pregnant woman, who also laughed and since we’d both been waiting for a while we just started to talk.

“When are you due?” I asked.

Now, I know this isn’t something to generally ask a woman (men should never ask), but she was Obviously pregnant and, again, I was out of games.

“Three months,” she said, glowing. She rubbed the tum and kept talking. “It’s a boy.”

“Aww! Boys are so much fun. You are going to love it. Is this your first?”

“Yes. I can’t wait! I’m kind of nervous but so excited, too.”

“Don’t be nervous, you’ll figure it out as you go. Just keep a sense of humor more than anything,” I said. That’s always my advice to parents. I figure it’s safe. “Boys are a loving, messy handful, but you are in for the adventure of your life.”

“Do you have a boy?”

“A girl.”

my unchild

And there it was. The lie. It popped out so fast that I couldn’t stop it. It was one of those flash responses that you don’t think about…like when you’re ordering a burger and they ask if you want everything and you say yes…but then remember you hate onions on your burger.

A girl. So much bigger than onions.

“How old is she?” she asked.

It’s one of those lies you can’t take back. Especially when you know you’re going to be in a room with that person for who knows how much longer. It’s one of those scary lies, too. Who makes up a kid? If I’d told this young, very pregnant woman the truth right then and there, I can’t even imagine what she would have thought. Not necessarily of me, but for herself. How terrifying to be stuck in a waiting room with a person who makes up imaginary children.

“She’s seven.”

“Oh, that’s a great age,” she said. “Past the terrible twos and threes.”

I kept going. It was like I couldn’t stop myself. “It’s great for about three months, then they get all funky again,” I said, with a laugh. “Big teeth mixed in with little teeth, weird smells, growth spurts. It’s like they go from being cute, sweet babies to gigantor aliens in just a few months.”

I was thinking of my nieces and what they’d all been like at seven. It really is kind of a strange age for kids.

We talked a bit more. About kids, about our town, about whatever was going on in North Korea. And then my name was called.

“Have a great day,” I said, with a wave. “Good luck with the little one.”

Am I a horrible person? Right now as I write this I know I’m probably never going to see that young woman again. What happened happened and it can’t be taken back, but I feel so embarrassed by it and frustrated.

I was supposed to be a mom. I would have made a great mom. Someday I’ll adopt and have my chance, but that’s so much to tell a stranger in the waiting room of an automotive repair shop.

Today I lied about being a mom and I’m just wondering what that says about me that I would do that?

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear if you’ve ever done something like that, or any advice on what I should have done…

embarrassed

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22 Comments

  1. Today I thought I looked nice. I’m a bit overweight but I’d made an effort. My elderly neighbor asked if I was pregnant. She caught me off guard, I wanted to preserve her feelings and mine and I just went along with it. Now I’m worried as it’s clearly not going to happen and she lives doors down! I can’t tell her the truth rithout looking insane. What a mess.

  2. Totally happens! Don’t stress ! Sometimes we fib a little and I think the most important are your intentions ! You didn’t mean to lie, or offend or hurt anyone ! No harm no foul!

  3. It happens! LOL!! Cute article!! Keep writing. We’ll keep reading!!! 🙂

  4. Thank you for sharing this story. I am the mother to 3 babies in heaven. One difficult Mother’s day weekend I decided to try to pamper myself and get my hair done in a salon I had never been to. The conversation turned to children because it was Mother’s day weekend. I always struggle with how to answer the question “Do you have kids?”. I aswered yes meaning my angel babies, but quickly loss my nerve to explain because I dreaded seeing the pity in her eyes and the awkward conversation that would fill the rest of my appointment. Before I knew it I heard myself talking about my 3 babies only I was making up stories as if they were alive, activities they were in, the grades in school they were, and so on. It suprised me how easily the stories flowed. It felt so good to talk about my kids without the sadness, but later I was horrified by what had happened and it was years before I ever told anyone the story. It’s good to know it as happened to someone else.

  5. When I moved to a new city a few years ago I really thought about lying about having kids so I could join moms groups and meet people and make new friends. I never had the guts to do it but I’ve thought about it several times because making friends as an adult is H.A.R.D!!

    1. it is hard to make friends as an adult. You can look for me on twitter on facebook
      facebook Michelle Landry
      twitter pixie girl you can add me as a friend.
      I don’t normally reach out but every blue moon I take a chance.
      Michelle from Louisiana

    2. Making friends as an adult is hard, but joining moms groups doesn’t mean automatic friends. I have a real live toddler and joined a mommy group just before she was born. All the littles are within 6 months of each other and you’d think out of 35+ families, I’d click with a couple of the moms. There have been some near clicks but the two most promising moved. Figures! I also found that as a single working mom, my situation is very different than pretty much every other mom in the club. So, I reverted to my friends from my old life (who I struggled so much to meet in the first place since I moved to a new city in my 30’s)! I tried meetups, craigslist, you name it. In the end, I met my peeps through work and when I found my passion – improv. I encourage you to just put yourself out there – meetups, mixers, and follow the stuff that makes you happy!

      My daughter and I don’t have many mommy friends, but she sure has a lot of single “aunties” and free spirits in her life! At two, she can rock happy hour like it’s nobody’s business and never lacks for someone to dress up and get silly with 🙂

  6. I accidentally lied about being pregnant once. My youngest son was six weeks old and I was at the grocery store (without the kids). The cashier looked at my still round-ish post baby belly and asked me when I was due. Before I knew what I was doing, I heard myself say, “June”Ahh! I like to think I did us both the favour of avoiding the embarrassment of “Oh, I’m not pregnant. Just fat”

  7. As soon as I read the answer to your fellow customers question, my first thought was, ‘Baby on the brain’. Maybe the time has come to start asking the questions, and doing the research. Perhaps life/fate is prodding you!

  8. I say ditto to Tams comment. Hope your dream comes true soon…

  9. I admit, I’ve done it before. I couldn’t have kids either so both of my boys are adopted. They are only 2 1/2 months apart. I got SO TIRED of the “are they twins” question (they look nothing at all alike ) that I started saying yes. Who wants to always get into the “how did u adopt” story. They are my kids and I am their mother. Period! So yea, there’s my little white lie. What can ya do once it comes out of your mouth? lol

  10. It isn’t so terrible, harmless chat. (I confess, I have done it too!)

  11. Sounds like some kid or kids somewhere are missing out on a potentially great mum. Keep on imagining out loud until the fantasy becomes reality. Your little dream world hurt no one and gave that soon to be mother an opportunity to glow with you.

    1. I absolutely adore Tam’s response. It’s so perfectly and beautifully said. Am I allowed to just say “ditto”?

  12. I find this awesomely hilarious! I did it before… Now I do have my own kids… (Oops, meant child… Only one) LOL

  13. Don’t be too hard on yourself I used to pretend my sisters kids were mine. I literally destroyed my physical health to get my child and I am desperate for another but it will never be. Only those who’s kids have come easy would be judgemental. Hugs. Snarky is a great word btw.

    1. You go girl. its never been a dream of mine to be a mom but I think anyone who has it easy will judge others. Michelle from Louisiana

  14. I was having a follow up with my physiotherapist some years ago after an injury when he asked me how many kids I had. I was astonished to hear myself say two when I only had one. I have no ideal why I would have said that, didn’t plan it. but chuckled about it with him when I admitted a few second later that I only had one and had no idea why I said two. He made the comment that I must want another child. Two years later I switched from school bus driving to providing child care in my home and now have up to five daycare kids running around my home 🙂

  15. I did it once, in line at the grocery store. I had a couple of friends coming over that night so I grabbed a few candy bars and said out loud to myself something about making everyone happy. The cashier heard me and must’ve assumed I was talking about kids and asked me how many I had. Without even thinking about it, I answered two. No idea why I said it, or where that number came from. It just happened. And yeah, once it pops out if your mouth you’re stuck, and feeling incredibly stupid and kind of ashamed. I still don’t understand why I did it. She chit chatted about her kids the whole time she checked me out and I just smiled and nodded along, agreeing with everything she said about being a mom. So awkward. So yeah, you’re not alone.
    On a side note, six weeks ago I became a mom for real 🙂
    No, for real this time, I swear.

  16. It was a slip up, you said it and you went along with it so you didnt upset a young pregnant woman. The fact that it slipped out so easily is something you should be mindful of so it doesnt get you ib trouble in the future but it isnt the end of the world.
    I hope that one day you get your dream of being a mummy which ever avenue you end up taking ?

  17. I once did the same. I lost my unborn baby in a horrific way when i was 24 weeks pregnant, it really felt as if she was still alive, i guess it was my brain and hearts’ way of dealing with the loss. A few months later i was at a spraytan appointment when the lady noticed my stretch marks all over my tummy and breasts and asked how old my baby was, i was so shocked at that moment that i replied by saying “she’s 4 months old.

  18. I’m actually in the process of adopting my neice and 2 nephews. I’ve played a very active role in their lives from the start and ppl would always think they were mine anyway. I never told them any different. It was easier to say they were mine than explain the situation. My neice even called me Mama for the longest! I don’t think it matters if u gave birth to them or not. A mama is someone who loves them and takes up time with them! After all that’s what they need in their lives!