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Reasons I’m Glad My Child Is Too Old For Elf On The Shelf

Oh moms of toddlers and ten and unders, parents who had a second or third kid later in life timed just right so that you have years and years of Santa, Reindeer, Easter Bunnies, and now the Ever Impressive Elf on The Shelf

Elf on The Shelf

It’s almost time. It’s almost time to pull out that Elf on The Shelf. To move it in a million different places, to spend late nights trying to figure out exactly how to hang a tiny doll from a ceiling fan and make him seem like he’s actually flying, and not getting lynched.

And most importantly, trying to figure out what to tell your kids when you forget to move your elf.

Here Is Why I Am Glad My Kids Are Too Old For Elf On The Shelf

Elf on the Shelf is completely ridiculous. Christmas is a special time of year, and it doesn’t need to span an entire month. Doesn’t the fact that it’s one day make it more special anyway.

Elf on The Shelf is actually bad for your kids. We don’t want our children to be good because someone is watching them. We want our kids to use their own moral compass to determine right from wrong.

Elf on the Shelf is teaching your kids to let the government spy on them. Okay this sounds crazy, but just think about it. We are totally okay with this weird 1984 Orwellian BS from this elf? Hmmm.

Elf on The Shelf is inspiring insanity like Frappuccinos and cereal. Um, do our kids need more excuses to eat junk food during the holiday season?

And not to mention the freakin’ merchandise. Not only do you have to buy the dang elf, but your kids are also going to ask for an Elf on the Shelf Inflatable, or a cute little Elf on the Shelf Mug. COME ON.

Oh, who am I kidding? I would trade a hundred days of Elf on The Shelf for mine to be little enough to believe in the magic of Christmas again.

Have fun. I am jealous. And maybe a little bitter.